Tragicomical

It’s being rumored now, thanks to the National Enquirer, that Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher are looking to adopt. 

It was said that the couple were so inspired by Barack Obama’s message of hope that they are looking to adopt through a private adoption agency. 

They reportedly want to be parents by the summertime.  Apparently, they’ve had several failed attempts at invitro-fertilization.

A source says, “Both Ashton and Demi finally came to terms with the reality that [childbirth] is just not going to happen for them.  They had always resisted adoption because they wanted a baby of their own, but now everything has changed.  They feel this is the best thing that could happen because they are able to give a child a great, loving start in life.”

Do you think Ashton would make a good dad?  And now that Demi is 45, it might be easier for her to adopt anyways.

Image / Source

The Smithsonian has already gotten Michelle Obama’s Jason Wu gown, and now they’re wanting to get their grubby hands all over Aretha Franklin’s bedazzled inauguration hat.

Aretha still likes the hat and is undecided on whether or not to fork it over.  She said, “I am considering it.  It would be hard to part with my chapeau since it was such a crowning moment in history.  I would like to smile every time I look back at it and remember what a great moment it was in American and African-American history.  Ten cheers for President Obama.”

If she does go along with it and donates the hat, it will become a part of the President’s Inaugural display.

Keep your hat, girlfriend!  You can tell she’s thinking that those Smithsonian slugs are going to have to pry it out of her cold dead hands.

Image: Flickr / Article: People

In Touch Weekly is reporting that John Mayer was smooching on some other woman that’s not Jennifer Aniston.

He was reportedly spotted on an intimate date with a blonde woman in Santa Monica on Wednesday night. 

A source says, “They were obviously on a date.  He came in with her another time too and I’ve seen them out together.  He gave her a long kiss before they left.  John has been here six times in the last two weeks but never with Jen.”

You know what I’d tell that source if I were John?  I’d say, “Snitches get stitches.”  Just kidding, but “watch your back”.

You know that his importance level with the paparazzi raises intensely when he’s with her, but when they’re apart the snappers have commented that he’s boring to follow around.  You’d think that he wouldn’t be out there trying to get some “strange” if he’s not worth the press coverage alone.

Other sources also have the two of them broken up.  So I’m not sure what to believe.  I’ll wait on the official announcement if there is one.

Image: Flickr / Article: Contact Music

Since everybody and their uncle is jumping on the Jessica Simpson fat bandwagon, Heidi Klum has decided to add her two cents.  That is, if models know how to add.  Low, I know, but still funny.

Of the FatGate scandal, Heidi says, “I think everyone should be the way they feel comfortable.”

She adds, “There are always people who are quick to offer an opinion and when you are in the public eye, people will always talk about you and put their opinions on you.  That’s what you get when you’re in the public eye.  But people need to be happy with the way they are.”

Yeah, yeah, yeah.  No one’s perfect, blah blah blah.  She just got comfortable with Tony Romo, or the outfit was just unflattering….or both.

Image: Flickr / Article: People

Brooke Hogan is going to be taping an episode of Brooke Knows Best at the Florida State Fair on February 6th. 

What we’re hearing is that Brooke might actually be following in her dad’s footsteps and has plans to wrestle Rick Flair’s son at the event.

The wrestling part will take place in a circus tent after the last show of the day by Circus Hollywood.

If I only lived in Florida, I’d have to go and record that nonsense for Youtube.  That’d be funny, Hulk Hogan’s daughter beating up Rick Flair’s kid.

And you know her dad’s going to be there, too.  You think they’ll turn this into a WWE event?  Like Rick’s kid gets the upper hand on Brooke so Hulk threatens Rick for WrestleMania?  Nahhhhh they would never do that, would they?

Image: Flickr / Article: Tampa Bay Blogs

Faye Dunaway is not too thrilled with Hilary Duff right now.  Especially after hearing that there is a remake in the works of her movie, Bonnie And Clyde.  Hilary is set to redo the part of Bonnie Parker in the new movie, which is slated for a 2010 release.

She snapped about Hilary taking the role that she made famous, saying, “Couldn’t they at least cast a real actress?”

Speak up!  Who do you think would be a better fit in the role of Bonnie for the remake?

My thoughts are Kristen Stewart, she’s got that wild child aura about her and I think she’d rock the part.

What do you think?

Image: Flickr / Article: PopCrunch

The audio player to the left of this article is Nancy Cartwright, the voice of cartoon character, Bart Simpson.  Have a listen, I’ll wait.

This is a message that was robo-dialed to people’s homes to pimp out something to do with Scientology. 

I know it’s old news that she’s a part of that whackjob cult of a religion, but I think a lawsuit will come from Fox for using his voice (which I assume is copyrighted) to tell people about Scientology related events.

This almost makes me want to stop watching The Simpsons.  I said ALMOST, though. 

I wonder if a lawsuit is already in the works.  Maybe she shouldn’t crap where she eats.  She’s already the highest donor ($10 million) to the religion, but if she keeps this up, she may be asking THEM for a loan.

Your thoughts?

Image: Flickr / Article: My Imagination / Audio: Youtube

I’m not sure how true this is, considering that it’s coming from the National Enquirer, but they’re reporting that Patrick Swayze has opted to not have chemotherapy any longer.

Apparently the doctors told him that there was nothing else that could be done to stop the progress of the cancer, so he decided to end his treatments.

A family friend said, “There’s nothing more doctors can do for him.  We are down to the wire and the goal now is to keep Patrick comfortable.  His condition is inoperable and they have stopped the chemo.  He’s still losing weight and he’s very weak.  Patrick regards himself as a cowboy, and is determined to die with his boots on and no regrets.”

Let’s pray for Patrick, either way.  He’s one of my favorite actors.  I hope he hasn’t given up.

Image: Flickr / Article: Daily Mail

Can you believe that they pulled Catherine Bach out of the acting graveyard so that she could put her two cents in on the Jessica Simpson fat drama?  Jeezus, let sleeping dogs lie.

You know, she played the original Daisy Duke, so she has a right to voice her opinion on Jessica Simpson’s recent weight gain.  I think they’re trying to make this more than it is.

She says, “I think it’s a shame that Jessica has been viciously attacked for superficial reasons.  It sends a bad message to our young girls that in order to fit in, you have to be skinny and your outfits better make you look skinny, too.  What I hope my daughters are learning from me is to respect themselves, honor their bodies, and show compassion and kindness towards others.”

Anyone else going to pipe up?  Maybe Bo and Luke Duke would like an opinion?

Image: Flickr / Article: Us Magazine

How do you get over three girlfriends?  If you’re Hugh Hefner, you get “under” three new ones.  At least that’s how he feels about it.

Kendra, Holly, and Bridget all moved out of the Playboy mansion and since twins Karissa and Kristina Shannon moved in along with head girlfriend Crystal Harris.

Hef says, “The best solution to lost love is new love.”

Before meeting the twins, Hef sent them a personal letter after hearing about how they wanted to date him.  And are they bad girls, as previously reported?  He says, “If they were bad girls, they wouldn’t be here.  They’re very nice girls and we got on right well.”

Do you think they are going to put the new girlfriends on the Girls Next Door?  I don’t know if I’d watch that or not, I was partial to the old girlfriends, they seemed to really care about Hef.

What do you think?  Would you watch a revamped GND with these girls?

Image: Flickr / Article: Us Magazine

It looks like Ashlee Simpson isn’t the only one defending Jessica’s “curves”.  Kim Kardashian found a way to have her name in the press and decided to comment on the fatty situation.

She’s got a big butt, so she can probably understand what Jessica is going through. 

She says, “Call me crazy, but when I saw the picture, I was like, ‘Oh my God, Jessica looks hot!”

You know she didn’t say that mess.  She probably said something like, “Oh my God! Jessica ate everything at that chili cookoff!”

Ya know, that’s the type of shows that Jess is doing now.  Apparently she can leech off of Tony Romo’s cash cow, so she doesn’t give a crap about her career anymore.

And at least Kim didn’t pull the Obama rabbit out of the hat, right? 

She added, “I actually love the outfit.  I think she looks amazing.  I love high-waisted jeans.  I loved that belt, and her hair looked fabulous.”  Unfortunately, only one of those things are true, I’ll let you decide that one.

Another source has revealed that the deal behind Jessica’s weight gain was Papa Joe working his magazine PR magic, trying to get his daughter some publicity.  You know he’d sell her first born child if it would make him a buck.  From my understanding, he said that the tabloids love a good weight gain/loss story.  So when she stops being a fatty, there will be a ‘Jessica Simpson: How I Lost That 22 Pounds!” story.  No joke.  I’m calling that crap now.

Image: Flickr / Article: People

Jordan Bratman obviously has terrible taste in art.  Apparently, he wants to decorate the home that he and Christina Aguilera bought from Ozzy Osbourne with some pretty horrible pictures.

Bratman was spotted checking out art from Cleon Peterson’s collection at the New Image Art Gallery in West Hollywood on Monday.

It was said that he’s possibly interested in buying one or two of the pieces, which depict images of rape, mugging, and brutality, to furnish their home with.

A gallery insider said, “The artist’s pieces look colorful and interesting from a distance, and closer inspection shows scenes of street violence.  It’s quite disturbing.  He left the gallery without buying anything, but you could tell he was very interested.  Maybe Christina will have to okay his strange choice in art before he buys.”

I’ll say!  I wouldn’t want that in my house. 

I mean, I’ve heard of some strange stuff in my life, but good lord, rape and brutality?  That’s just crazy.  Just because you have money coming out of your huge ears doesn’t mean that you have carte blanche to purchase the weirdest crap you can find.  It’s just tasteless.

Image: Flickr  / Article: ThaIndian

Matt Damon opted out going to the inauguration of Barack Obama, and instead, watched the entire thing from his couch. 

Why you ask?  Matt refused to fork over the $50,000 for two tickets to the event. 

He was hoping that his campaign efforts would’ve secured him tickets to the event, but his initial request for seats for him and wife Luciana was turned down.

He says, “When I called my contacts from the campaign, they just started laughing: ‘We worked on the campaign for two and a half years, and we’re not going.  Forget it.’  Then, they called me back the next day and said, “Hey, we’ve got two tickets for you, in the bleachers, and you’ll actually be able to see Obama take the oath.  Just $25,000 apiece.”

I can’t blame him for not wanting to pay that extravagant amount for the tickets.  After working on the campaign, you would think it would be a given that he got tickets for free.  But I guess not.  Bummer for him. 

This reminds me of how much a diva Mariah Carey was at the inauguration because she wasn’t A-list enough to sit with the Obama family and she was offended.  I guess Matt wasn’t celebrity enough to get free tix even though he campaigned like mad.  But I like Matt, he seems like a cool guy.

Image: Flickr / Article: Contact Music

Ashlee Simpson is already tired of hearing all the negative nonsense surrounding her sister’s recent weight gain.  Sheesh, that didn’t take long and I was just getting warmed up.

She says that people need to leave Jessica alone.  Or she’s gonna, she’s gonna…she’s gonna whine and complain.  Thought I was going to say beat us up, didn’t you?

She says, “I am completely disgusted by the headlines concerning my sister’s weight.  Since when did a woman’s weight become newsworthy.  A week after the inauguration and with such a feeling of hope in the air for our country, I find it completely embarrassing and belittling to all women to read about a woman’s weight or figure.”

Coming from someone who wrote a song COMPLETELY about being in the shadow of her bigger sister, you’d think she’d be happier now that she’s the “skinnier one” out of the two.

She added, “All women come in different shapes, sizes, and forms, and just because you’re a celebrity, there shouldn’t be a different standard.”

Dang, Jessica’s got a trainer, a cook, and anyone else at her beck and call.  There’s really no excuse. And seriously, she went for the hope, change, and Obama defense?!?? LAME.

Image: Flickr / Article: People

Because I was so looking forward to him drunkenly falling down all over the stage as he attempted a rap career.  That never gets old.

Those in the know closest to Joaquin Phoenix say that when he said “Bye! Good” to Hollywood for a music career, he was just bluffing.

He was filmed at Lavo Nightclub in Las Vegas, falling down off of the stage after trying to rap a bit.  The film of the “performance” was taken by Ben Affleck’s little brother, Casey.

Friends close to the actor are calling BS on the whole rap crap, saying that his performance is part of an art project.

One pal says, “He said, ‘It’s a put-on.  I’m going to pretend to have a meltdown and change careers and Casey is going to film it.’  It’s an art project for him.  He’s going full out.  He probably has told his reps that he’s quit acting.  Joaquin is very smart.  This is very conscious.  He has a huge degree of control.”

Well then he’s a better actor than I previously thought!

Image: Flickr  / Article: Contact Music

Rihanna is on the cover of GQ Mexico, in a bikini top and jeans.

Think this is airbrushed?

I think she looks good, but I want to see her let her hair grow out some.  I don’t like the short cut on her.